I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
