Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
