lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
