Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
