Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
