if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
