she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
