My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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