I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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