What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
