Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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