I cockslap morals
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize