I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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