I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize