ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
