Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
