mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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