Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
