As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
