i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
