I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
