really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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