9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
