let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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