What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
