Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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