Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
