Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I deserve this hangover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
