Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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