Soap is not a condiment
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
