Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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