I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize