I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
