My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
