Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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