im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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