As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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