This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
