I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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