also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
