Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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