Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
