I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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