Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
