so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
