No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
