Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
