before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So much rum. So many feels.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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