her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize