I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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