I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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