i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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