I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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