So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
