he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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