Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
