oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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