So drunk its hurt
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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