One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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