i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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