this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
