How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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