hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
