There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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