i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
