this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
