the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
