I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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