he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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