i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
