There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my sisters under your porch take her home
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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