SEEEEXXX PLEASE
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
