What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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