Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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