I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
