I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
