jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
