Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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